DaayDreaming

School started today, and there was a general feeling of exhaustion once they left the house. I wasn’t able to really wait to start cleaning. It was like the living room had been camped in all summer, and I was evicting the boys. It looks so much better and the clutter is gone.

I’ve been scared lately that bad things are going to happen. I’m scared I’m going to miss someone, and writing this makes it even weirder. I don’t want anything bad to happen, but suddenly it’s all of the what ifs….. The oldest is playing football and it scares me. I think that’s what got me going and got me started. I’m really really scared.

The boys did enjoy school today, though, and the oldest was glad that he had gotten his haircut. He had been so hot from running and he realised that his hair was going to be in the way and now he doesn’t even have to worry about it. He looks so cute!

Frog on a lilypad

Believe it or not, I successfully completed my math course. I am now ready, according to the tests to move on the round 2. For some reason, completion of this course makes me feel like I can accomplish anything academically. It shouldn’t, but it does.

So, that brings us up to today. I’m in another math course, and hopefully my last math course in this semester. It’s kind of scary, but my other courses are what’s keeping me back in school.

After day one on my lab and photography class, I am really really excited about school. These are the classes that I feel like I have been looking for for a long long time.  My lab instructor is a commercial photographer, and my photography instructor does people. They have their program geared to working in this business. They talk about networking, and speaking to others even if you are nervous because that is what is going to get you jobs. It’s exciting.

Academically, I feel wonderful. I’m excited, going and pushing forward. Socially, I’m stagnate. I don’t feel like I have many friends anymore, and the few that have stuck around I don’t nourish the friendships like I should.  I’m quite content being with myself, and being at home.  How bad is this? I’m not sure. I’m staying at home because it’s hot, and because I want to be here. It’s not like before where I was scared to leave. It’s not that at all. So, friends? I’m just feeling stuck on the subject. In therapy I learned that it’s hard for people with depression to keep friends sometimes. That others feel like they have been brushed off and aren’t important.  I guess it’s right to an extent. It’s unintentional really. I don’t mean to not want to do anything, and it doesn’t really have anything to do with this person or that person. It’s mostly my desire to want not  to socialize. Stuck. I want friends, I LOVE all of my friends, but I’ve noticed that when I do call, no one calls back, or when there is a gathering no one comes up to me. So, while I may still love them, they’ve moved on obviously thinking that I have too…. but I haven’t. It’s sad really.

I’m quite pleased with my shopping for the next two weeks.  I saved 39.00. Wooohoo

Savings from store!

Bill Maher

Bill Maher puts on a great show. I wasn’t really sure what to expect going in, but it was really entertaining. Sparing no one, even the baby who started crying when he started to talking trash about Texas. I wish more than anything I could go and see the show in Dallas tonight.

I’ve just spent two hours working on homework from class, and listening to the boys in the living room play games. The oldest has three friends over, and the youngest is hanging out with them and having a nice time. They are laughing, picking on each other, and just having a really good time.

For the longest time, the oldest had stopped laughing and talking, so needless to say, hearing him laugh and socialize is a huge relief. I’m scared the one or both of the boys will struggle with depression like I do. When the smiles came back, it was like I could breath again. How am I ever going to make it through the teen years. 14 days, until it happen.

School is going well. I think I’ve got a pretty good grasp on what’s going on so far. I’ve only got five more weeks to go, and I AM counting down.

It’s the first day of school, and even though I have a lot of homework, I have already started putting it off. I seriously hate taking math courses. I don’t think I can compare it to anything as bad for me.

Wish me luck!

I made The Pioneer Woman’s muffins yesterday. Yogurt sauce and all, and they were delicious. Not to sweet, and I seriously think that the batter was so easy to make, not too messy, and will be something I make again. I took some to the neighbors. The kids loved them. Next time, Ethan wants me to make some chocolate chip ones. That really does sound good.

I, also, made homemade spaghetti sauce yesterday, and honestly, I’m not sure how it was it. It sort of tasted like salsa. I think it needed more Italian seasoning than just oregano. I ended up putting it in the bullet because I wanted mine a little more saucy than chunky. Plus, I added parmesean cheese, and that seemed to make it a lot better. I’ll keep looking.

Today is supposed to be another hot day. Yesterday the heat index was over 110! It’s really been quite miserable. I don’t want summer to be over, but I’m ready for fall to sneak up on us… jump out and yell BOO here I am, where you expecting me.

I don’t know what I’m cooking today. Ethan and I are going to try these

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2008/08/dairy-contest-finalist-recipe-the-awesome-est-blueberry-muffins/

They look really yummy, and he has been wanting to help me in the kitchen.

Dinner though, is still up in the air. Maybe we are living on muffins today!

I’ve been trying to cook more, and with less processed foods. I’ve had quite a few failures. I’m still stuck on trying to make enchiladas. I really want to be able to make my own.
Yesterday, I made some honey glazed wings from a recipe I got from one of my Granny’s cookbooks. It was really good with fresh ginger, garlic, soy sauce and honey. I wasn’t sure about baking them. I have a hard time trusting cooking times on most things. Especially chicken. They turned out well, and I ate them with rice. I need to bring in more vegetables with my meals. That is probably step 2.

This summer has had us spending time at my Granny’s house, while she was on vacation. We spent time dog sitting, and more than that, we spent time wishing that we could be eating at home.
Since we’ve been home, the kids have taken to sleeping until 11. That makes the mornings kind of nice. I’ve tried a few new recipes. I tried enchilada gravy, and have since learned that I don’t like enchilada gravy, and would rather have a tomato based enchilada sauce. Two days ago, I made my first rack of ribs, that turned out really well.
The kids have been spending time at the pool, and playing video games. This summer seems to have the “magic” that I used to love when I was a kid. I’m so happy for my kids.
Now, I just need to figure out how to repair their bikes, so they can ride their bikes to their friends houses.